took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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