I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
