i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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