i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
