My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
