I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
