using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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