your parents love me but you hate me
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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