i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
