haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
