yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
