it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
