...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
