So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
