Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
