I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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