Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
