he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize