Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
