I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
