I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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