Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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