Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
