Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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