You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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