That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Randomize
