I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
