Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
