My balls are so social today.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
