Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
