3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize