so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
