listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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