wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
