She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
