Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So squirting runs in the family.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
