like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The uberlube is also flammable
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
