My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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