don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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