Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
