You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize