The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
