wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just high enough for therapy.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
