I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
