i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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