Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
