Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
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