apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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