I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
