I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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