in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
