You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
3 2 1 whiskey
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
