all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If I die, sorry about rent.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
