so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
