You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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