drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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