Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
