3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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