I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
