piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
