scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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