We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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