i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
