I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
