i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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