my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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